Godly Sexuality

WARNING:  This post contains sexually explicit material. 

The first human beings were created male and female

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth,

and God said that this was Very Good!

Genesis 1:31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

This means that God the Creator said that male and female sexuality and reproduction is Very Good!  Later the man and woman were instructed that it was God’s intention that marriage would be a permanent life long union between one man and one woman.

Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Humanity was created male and female and it was intended that both sexes preserve their virginity until marriage and then remain completely loyal and faithful to one another as long as they lived.  Of course Satan quickly used these powerful needs to tempt people into premarital fornication and marital infidelity, but that is not what God had intended. 

Sexual union of a married couple is a most wonderful thing in the eyes of God, and should be a deeply satisfying and wonderful experience for both spouses.

Sex is to be reserved for one man and one woman in a lifelong marriage union. Absolute loyalty to one’s spouse is required.  That includes emotional and spiritual loyalty as well as physical.  

Remember that if we love anyone even our father or mother, sister or brother; more than we love our spouse we are committing adultery in an emotional sense (Mat 10:37).  If we love friends or job, hobbies, clothes or cars and any other toys, more than we love our spouse, we are committing emotional adultery.  Absolutely NOTHING should come between our love for our families; except our love for God who is the head of our family.

The scriptures say exactly the same thing about our love for God.  We must allow NOTHING to come between us and our espoused Husband Jesus Christ and on the physical level; we must allow absolutely nothing to come between us and our spouse.

Why did God create mankind in such a way? God created humanity male and female and instituted the holy relationship of marriage as an allegorical instruction in the kind of relationship that the Creator wants with us! 

All through the scriptures Israel is referred to as the bride or wife of the Being who later gave up his godhood to be made flesh as Jesus Christ.  That marriage was ended by his death and after his resurrection he is free to enter into a New Covenant with a new collective bride, this time a spiritual covenant between a spirit Christ and a resurrected to spirit bride! 

The ideal physical marriage with the male and female coming into complete physical unity to the exclusion of all others is an allegory of the spiritual New Covenant marriage of the Lamb, with the LORD entering into a complete spiritual unity with his collective bride.   

In the ideal situation the physical bride is to free from any taint of sexual disloyalty before or during marriage.  This is an allegory that once we sincerely repent and commit to STOP sinning, which is being disloyal to God; that we must keep ourselves absolutely free from any taint of disloyalty to our LORD and spiritual Husband!

Revelation 14:4 These are they which were not defiled with women [they are not defiled by following any false ways]; for they are virgins [absolutely free from all disloyalty]. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb.

For more on the marriage of the Lamb see this article.   Also see the study on The Song of Songs which speaks of the love between a man and his wife as an allegory of the love between Christ and his bride. 

Sex is to be reserved to be enjoyed by both the male and female within the institution of marriage. 

When a man and women engage in sex they have become one flesh, and regardless of whether any ceremony has been conducted they have consummated a marriage. Therefore if they engage in casual sex with different partners they make a mockery of God’s institution of marriage.  They also make a mockery of physical marriage as an instructional example of absolute commitment and loyalty which Jesus Christ wants with his spouse for all eternity. 

We human beings learn and develop habits through repetition, therefore if one engages in premarital sex one begins establishing a habit which can then become deeply entrenched by further repetition, making loyalty within a marriage most difficult. Sex before marriage diminishes the issue of loyalty even before the marriage begins. 

The physical including physical marriage, is intended to teach us spiritual principles and thankfully on the spiritual level Jesus gave his life for his bride to cleanse her of all sincerely repented infidelities [sin], so that we may rise up from baptism new persons from that time forward ever faithful to our LORD. 

Sex and marriage with absolute loyalty in marriage are intended to bind the couple together into a relationship which will develop and bring the couple into the kind of deep passionate unity that Jesus Christ has with God the Father and wants to have with his spirit bride for all eternity. 

John 17:21 That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one [in complete unity with God] in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. 17:22 And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:  17:23 I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.

A physical marriage begins when the male and female come together as one flesh, therefore premarital unions are literally multiple marriages and abandonment’s, making a mockery of the loyalty that marriage was intended to teach us. 

Premarital and extra marital sex also diminishes the uniqueness of an exclusive  spousal bond, thereby watering down the depth to which a the marriage relationship can progress and develop.  

Within marriage the marriage bed is undefiled and whatever a married couple do for and with each other, is totally between them and is totally acceptable. 

God made mankind male and female and God said that this was Very Good.  It was God’s intention from the very beginning that the husband and wife come together and thoroughly enjoy physical union with one another. 

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.


Keys to a good marriage

Let there be no mistake although some couples have an easier time than some others, a good marriage takes many adjustments and hard work by both spouses.  Rarely is the ideal instantaneous, rather marriage is a process of growing together towards the ideal; and growing together towards the ideal teaches us that we need to continually grow towards an ideal and perfect relationship with God.

Marriage is ordained by God and is a godly institution, when we marry we are committing ourselves before God, to love and give ourselves for one another and for the greater good of the whole family; just as Jesus Christ gave himself, living and dying for the good of his bride. 

When we marry all thoughts of personal rights and prerogatives must be left behind and everything that we do from that time on must be for the greater good of the family.   

  1. Prioritize all spending to take care of all family essentials before considering personal desires.
  2. Never strike our spouse
  3. Never withhold anything as a lever to demand our own way, and keep all promises; avoid making promises that would be difficult to keep 
  4. Never engage in name calling or abusive language, do not even raise voices in anger or frustration
  5. Communicate and clearly explain and convince our spouse instead of deciding anything arbitrarily
  6. If a situation of anger or frustration does arise take time to cool off, both spouses should engage in some physical activity like working out to wear off that adrenaline, and then pray about the issue trying to see all sides of the situation then have a prayerful good think; and only then sit down to discuss and work the matter as becomes godliness 
  7. Never give way to the temptation to give a self-serving account of our troubles to our friends and thereby damage our spouse’s reputation just to gain sympathy 
  8.  Always be easily entreated and willing to listen to the other 
  9. Be affectionate and supportive at all times 
  10. Never lie to one another, not even to avoid offenses, and do not ask for comments when you know that you are encouraging your spouse to lie to you to avoid offending you. At the same time a spouse should try to learn how to respond diplomatically to difficult situations without lying.

Remember that BOTH spouses must do these things. If one person does these things and the other is stubborn and self-willed there will still be serious problems. Nevertheless each spouse must do all of these things regardless of the conduct of the other, as their moral duty to please God and to set a godly example.


Keys to good sex 

Always remember that good sex begins when we wake up in the morning, because a great marriage makes for good sex. 

  1. Do not expect a spouse to be in the mood if the day was filled with offenses or high stress  
  2. Begin in the morning by committing oneself to live through the day avoiding offenses and always acting for the best interests of the family
  3. Through the day be kind, considerate, helpful, affectionate 
  4. Remember to touch, a loving caress or a big hug and a kiss on the neck can be most encouraging
  5. Handle problems or worries as they come up and do not allow many worries to build up into high stress
  6. Be cleanly, remember that cleanliness is next to godliness and a dirty or malodorous body is a big turn off; and remember that you are used to your own smell and may not notice an odor which is very offensive to others, so shower whether you think you need to or not 
  7. Make time to spend time with one another.  There may be times for a quickie, but spending an hour or two making each other feel loved on a regular basis is very important

The main principle to guide any sexual [or any other] activity in marriage is that the act be one of deep love and concern for the other.  


Helpful tips 

The wedding night should be a tremendous delight and should be an absolutely positive beginning to any marriage.  Unfortunately it is often the case that virgins view the wedding night with unneeded concern and trepidation.  The groom may fear that he will be unable to penetrate, while the bride may fear that she will suffer pain or even damage.  These fears are unfounded if only people understood how to perform the initial act. 

Quite simply the groom should first engage in significant foreplay and then penetrate with one finger which will be relatively painless and will do no damage.  When the bride is comfortable use two fingers and then three, after which penetration by the husband will be easy, painless and most pleasurable for both.  The lady should NOT do this herself but give this pleasure to her husband so that he will know without doubt that he is the first and only one. 

This knowledge will remove all fears and will make the wedding night a wonderful pleasure for both bride and groom and a tremendously wonderful beginning of a lifetime of love and loyalty for one another.


How often?

As often as the couple wants!  The husband and wife should enjoy one another to the full.

Some people have stronger drives than others and it would be wise to discuss this point when contemplating marriage. 

No couple need deprive themselves of the blessings of pleasing their spouses whenever the need runs high, just because someone else has decided for them what he thinks they should be doing or not doing. Anal sex is wrong because it damages the body and exposes one to disease, otherwise what any couple does for each other in their marriage or how often is NOBODY else’s business.  

Without a very good reason the wife should not refuse her husband and the husband must not refuse his wife; lest they be tempted astray.

1 Corinthians 7:5  Defraud ye not one the other [do not withdraw your favors from each other i.e. do not withhold sex], except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.


Possible problems during the marriage

Sex is intended to be delightful for both spouses, therefore if a wife experiences discomfort or pain she should seek medical advice.

There are a variety of problems, most of which can be easily corrected if caught early.  The important thing is to catch them as early as possible.  

One such problem could be the common simple yeast infection.  One of the causes of yeast infections is the simple bath.  When we sit in the bath we are siting in water that is becoming dirty as we wash and also filled with soap scum which is alkaline and promotes yeast growth.  It is far better to shower; as in the shower the dirt and soap is washed away and down the drain, and we are not sitting in contaminated water for 15 minutes or more.

Occasionally natural lubrication fails for a time.  In that case there are many sex lubricants out there for a significant price.  The best kept secret among lubricants and by far the cheapest is simple scent free baby oil.  The price is kept very low since it is made for babies, but it is an ideal lubricant for intercourse.  The age old lubrication method is for the lady to simply place some of her saliva on her husband’s organ.


Sex Education

When they reach puberty youth will experience sexual development and will be filled with curiosity.  It is essential that from birth a good relationship and open communications be well established.  Parents should diligently teach their children godly morality and should always be available to honestly answer any questions on any subject.   Never lie about sex, however questions can be answered in generalities until the youth is close to and facing puberty. 

If  young people understand what is coming, they will not be seeking answers from inappropriate sources and they will not be strongly tempted to experiment. They will also be much better equipped to cope with puberty and to handle misinformation and the pressures put on them by sexual predators.

Youth need to be taught that sex was made by God and is a very good thing if used as the Creator intends; but sex can also bring much heartache and many problems if misused. 

Parents should never be embarrassed to teach their children about sex; sex and marriage are a very major integral part of life, and it is a parental responsibility to make sure that their children are properly prepared for marital success. 

If the youthful curiosity is not satisfied by godly knowledgeable loving parents, be assured they will seek answers elsewhere and may get into much trouble.


Child bearing

To maximize the potential for pregnancy the wife should not stand up for at least an hour after intercourse to prevent gravity from working against her.

A wife’s orgasm is not necessary for conception, although it does help measurably.  The contraction of the involved muscles causes the uterus to draw sperm up into itself.

In childbirth, it is very important that a woman not lie down during labor.  She should sit is a reclining position as far as is possible and take frequent periods of standing [supported by others] to allow gravity to aid the process.

It is modern medicine with their beds and stirrups for the convenience of physicians which has caused people to lose sight of the powerful physical agency of  GRAVITY:  Let it work for you and do not try and work against it by lying down through labor and birthing.

It is natural to want to lie down because of discomfort and pain; but sitting in a reclining position will speed the process considerably and will actually help open the birth canal for delivery.


Biblical rules regarding sexual conduct

An unclean person cannot enter into the presence of God [the tabernacle or temple] since uncleanness is an allegory of being defiled by sin.  See our article on the meaning and purpose of the laws of Clean and Unclean.

From the onset of menstruation the lady must be left alone until sunset, and then for a seven full days until the seventh sunset.  Late on the seventh day the affected person is to wash herself and her bedding and at sunset she shall be clean.  

Leviticus 15:19   And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. 15:20 And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.

15:21 And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. 15:22 And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

God tells Ezekiel plainly that sexual intercourse with a menstruous woman is forbidden.

Ezekiel 18:4   Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die. 18:5 But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right, 18:6  And hath not eaten upon the mountains [sacrificed and eaten in pagan high places], neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, neither hath defiled his neighbour’s wife, neither hath come near to a menstruous woman,


Leviticus 12

Leviticus 12 is about things associated with childbirth

Leviticus 12:1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 12:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.

We are commanded to circumcise our sons on the eighth day of their life.  The mother is to be unclean for seven days and the eighth day represents a new beginning.

Circumcision removes a piece of skin covering a most sensitive area and is an allegory of the removal of the sin that separates people from God, making people sensitive to the whole Word of God.

Physical circumcision is an allegory of the spiritual circumcision of the heart which is sincere repentance 

Jeremiah 4:4  Circumcise yourselves to the Lord [sincerely repent], and take away the foreskins of your heart [remove the sin which separates us from God], ye men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem: lest my fury come forth like fire, and burn that none can quench it, because of the evil of your doings.

Isaiah 59:1 Behold, the Lord‘s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: 59:2  But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.

Circumcision of the flesh is an allegory of circumcision of the heart which is sincere repentance and the application of the sacrifice of Christ; which truly removes the barrier of sin and reconciles the sincerely repentant to God the Father.

Leviticus 12:3 And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.

Paul tells us that adult converts need not be circumcised in the flesh because they are already circumcised in heart; that in no way obviates the command to circumcise our male children on the eighth day since they are not circumcised in heart. We are to circumcise all of our male children on their eighth day of life.

After Christ comes all human males will be circumcised in both the heart and in the flesh, for ALL nations will go up to Jerusalem to worship the Eternal 

Zechariah 14:16 And it shall come to pass, that every one that is left of all the nations which came against Jerusalem shall even go up from year to year to worship the King, the Lord of hosts, and to keep the feast of tabernacles.


Ezekiel 44:9 Thus saith the Lord God; No stranger, uncircumcised in heart, nor uncircumcised in flesh, shall enter into my sanctuary, of any stranger that is among the children of Israel.


Seclusion of mother and child

Leviticus 12:1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 12:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.

After the first seven days of seclusion the mother must remain in seclusion for another 33 days making a total of 40 days in seclusion.  The forty days is the period of purifying before entering the tabernacle, temple or any holy place.

Such a seclusion is of great benefit to the mother and child; giving them time in a close family home environment to bond and to recover from the birth and develop immunity to disease.  Breast feeding is highly important for this bonding and natural immunization process.

Immunizations:  The aluminum or mercury based preservatives often used in many vaccines are known to cause autism and a variety of other issues like SIDS therefore it is not wise to routinely immunize babies, especially those breast fed and kept secluded according to God’s command.  However in circumstances of epidemics one should consider immunizing slightly older children who are better able to cope with the vaccine if the risk of infection with serious disease has been drastically increased.  One should seek the greatest benefit with the least risk at any given point.

Baby formula:  Breast feeding is highly preferable since it provides emotional support leading to greater emotional stability in adulthood, it bonds the mother and child and passes natural immunity from the mother to child.  If the mother cannot nurse or there is some serious nutrient deficiency, baby formulas are an option; even then whenever possible the first choice should be a converted wet nurse [with a biblical diet] and not formula. 

Baby food:  Commercially prepared baby foods which are high in starch and preservatives [a ticking time bomb for future diabetes] should also be avoided.  Simply mash your own soft food for the child.

Leviticus 12:4 And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled.

If the child is female the mother’s separation is double that of a male child

12:5 But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six [66] days.

66 days plus two weeks is 80 days. 

We make these specified sacrificial offerings today by going to God the Father in prayer and asking that the sacrifice of Christ be applied to us and to the child, setting apart the child through our faithfulness and asking for an understanding of these things.

The sin offering for the mother represents the application of Christ’s sacrifice for the repentant obedient woman: And a burnt offering pictures wholehearted faithful service to God the Father and Jesus Christ.

The woman is commanded to reproduce, and childbearing is a great service to God the Father because a woman gave birth to Messiah the Christ, the Deliverer of humanity.

12:6 And when the days of her purifying are fulfilled, for a son, or for a daughter, she shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, or a turtledove, for a sin offering, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, unto the priest: 12:7 Who shall offer it before the LORD, and make an atonement for her; and she shall be cleansed from the issue of her blood. This is the law for her that hath born a male or a female.

12:8 And if she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles [turtle doves], or two young pigeons; the one for the burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for her, and she shall be clean.


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  1. Marriage is a covenant James. A covenant between a male and female. Your writing that people having illicit sex is having lots of marriages is very iffy in my opinion.
    In this day and age you have to be very careful what you write as sexually active unmarried people,it even happens in the Church, can say ‘we are married because we only have sex with each other’

    Yes, marriage is an agreement [covenant] between two people before God, to begin and maintain a permanent relationship. Sex makes the two one flesh and is therefore the act of consummation or implementation of that relationship.

    The covenant is the agreement, and sex is the implementation of the agreement; so that the covenant and sex are bound up together. Therefore to have sex with many partners without the commitment of a permanent binding covenant makes a mockery of marriage. This is the point I was trying to make.

    Historically marriages were agreements between two families which held a feast to celebrate the agreement. This is the way that marriages were done in the time of Christ and it is why a permanent relationship without clergy is called Common Law today, because it was the custom through much of history.

    In more modern times clergy begin to officiate at marriages so as to increase the power of the “church” by giving the clergy power to marry or to refuse to marry.

    You are right about the church. In the early 1980’s I was shocked at the prevalence of fornication in the Vancouver congregation and told the elder what was going on; but the elder would not even preach a sermon on chastity and marriage. It seems that this is a subject not generally taught today and that is why this article is important. James

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