MARRIAGE

In the beginning, mankind was created male and female Gen 1:27. Each was created with needs that only the other could fulfill. Each needed the other to be complete. This was deliberately designed by God, so that a man might leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife Mat 19:4-5. It was always intended that a marriage, would consist of a permanent union of one man and one woman Mat 19:6. God said, I hate putting away Mal 2:16. If He hates putting away, then it is NOT His will that we do so. If we pray, your will be done and then knowingly violate that will, it is SIN. For by so doing we dishonour our heavenly Father Ex 20:`12. The law of marriage remains in effect until the death of one of the parties to that marriage Rom 7:2-3, 1 Cor 7:39.

Divorce is NOT acceptable to God. Divorce is the result of failure to keep God's commandments. an admission of SIN. Divorce occurs because of vanity, jealousy, lust and greed. The bearing of grudges, the unwillingness to forgive and the selfishness of putting ones own desires above the needs and concerns of the spouse. Converted persons need to face their problems and deal with them, not run from them. Do you really expect to be a leader, helping others with their problems, when you run from your own? God allowed Moses to permit divorce because of the hardness, the sins of the people. This was an act of mercy extended to a hard hearted unrepentant people. God would not force them to live in a bitter, hateful, painful situation. But this evil situation was the result of rebellion against God's word. Converted people are supposed to be different, they are supposed to be obeying God's laws. Divorce is SIN and remarrying adds the SIN of ADULTERY to the SIN of DIVORCE. Sin cuts us off from God. No one living in adultery could possibly be acceptable to God.  God's people are to be forgiving and filled with the awesome love of God. 1 Cor 13:4-8 describes how we are to love one another, it describes the love of God.

Jesus said that fornication (sexual law breaking) was the only grounds for divorce Mat 5:32, Mat  19:9. The Greek word rendered fornication here; "PORNEIA" means adultery, fornication or idolatry, Strong's Greek #4202. FORNICATION, ADULTERY or IDOLATRY IS COMMANDMENT BREAKING. Paul says that if an unbelieving mate depart, let him depart 1 Cor 7:15. In this he is saying the same thing that Christ said, for only an unconverted person would be sexually disloyal and fail to repent, and by virtue of that disloyalty, would be departing from their mate. There is no right given to re-marry if a wife is put away for any other reason Mat 19:9-12. One may NOT divorce a mate in the faith, for poverty, or illness or inability to produce children or because one is attracted to someone else, or for any reason. There is only ONE acceptable reason to divorce in the faith and that is: If the spouse rejects the faith and leaves you. In that case you are not bound to the unbeliever.

Now it is understood, that sometimes difficult situations can generate considerable stress and frustration. At such times it might be desirable to separate for a short period, by mutual agreement. The purpose of this is NOT to abandon the spouse, but rather to improve the marriage by giving time to cool off and calm down. During this period, fasting and prayer are indispensable 1 Cor 7:5. I have always found that after honestly discussing a situation with God, I have ALWAYS come away with a different point of view. Prayer helps to bring things into their proper perspective and empowers us, by allowing God's spirit to direct us and fill us with God's love.

We could avoid many of our marriage problems if we would just, THINK BEFORE WE SPEAK. If we would ask ourselves the following questions before we accuse or make demands: 1 Is what we are saying consistent with God's law, His will and is it pleasing to Him? 2 Are our words and actions going to build or damage our spouse, children or relationship? 3 Are we inspiring RESPECT, LOVE and COOPERATION or are we causing RESENTMENT, ANGER and FRUSTRATION? 4 Are we acting for the good of the family, or are we being selfish, concerned only with our own desires? Asking ourselves these questions and being honest about our conclusions will help us to understand the good or potential harm we may be doing.

POLYGAMY

Polygamy was winked at because of the violent sins of man. With vast numbers of men killed in warfare, equally vast numbers of women were forced to live out their lives without the potential for marriage and family. The merciful solution to this tragedy was to allow polygamy. This was allowed ONLY because of sin and was never intended by God. Polygamy was indeed a very poor solution. For the potential of a close relationship between spouses was dramatically reduced by the addition of each new wife. Further, while some men were able to multiply wives, others had none, resulting in frustration and violence. Polygamy is manifestly unfair to all and simply does not work.

WHO SHOULD WE MARRY?

We are commanded to avoid being unequally yoked together 2 Cor 6:14-18. We are also commanded not to plow with an ox and an ass together Deu 22:10. That is, to put the unclean with the clean together. It is absolutely and altogether forbidden for a believer to marry an unbeliever. We must marry a fellow believer.

DIVORCE BEFORE BAPTISM

The law of marriage is in effect until death. Baptism represents the washing away of sin, it also represents the death of the old sinful self and the begetal of a new being in Christ. All sins committed are forgiven. Therefore if a person be divorced a hundred times, that is past and washed clean. If God does not hold these things against a man, why should men?

If a person be married at baptism and the mate be pleased to remain, GOOD. But if s/he is not willing to remain, the baptized spouse is free to marry, in the faith. If a person is not married at their baptism, for whatever reason, they are free to marry, in the faith.

MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE AFTER BAPTISM

The question must be asked: What of a couple who marry in the faith, if one tires of well doing and abandons this WAY? If they are pleased to remain in peace, that is well and good. If they legally divorce or simply abandon the believing mate or if they become so hostile as to make life intolerable then the converted person is no longer bound 1 Cor 7:16, 2 Cor 6:14-18. Is the believer free to remarry is such a case? Any converted person who finds himself in this situation should seek as much help and advise as possible. And when every effort at reconciliation has been exhausted and after much fasting and prayer comes to an inescapable conclusion that there is no longer any hope, h/she must accept the situation. For it is written that; it is impossible to bring those who have once tasted the things of God and turned away, back to God Heb 6:4-6.

It must be, ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that such a person has turned away from God and is not just stumbling in some momentary difficulty. Remember that love is PATIENT. HASTY DECISIONS must be avoided. As for re marriage: The question must be asked; Is it fair or reasonable for a converted person to be forced to suffer a life of loneliness and to be deprived of the joy and love and learning potential of marriage because of the unbelievers sin? There does come a time when the LAW OF MERCY may be applied. Yet, only after much prayer, fasting, patience and effort, and only with much help and advise from the elders of the church should such decisions be made.

If anyone in the faith divorces or abandons a spouse who is also in the faith, they are refusing to keep the vows they made before Almighty God. They are guilty of Covenant Breaking, False Swearing, Lying, Blaspheming by showing contempt for God and his law. They are guilty of Stealing by withholding those things, which belong by right, to their spouse and if they re-marry they are guilty of Adultery. If they then pray "Thy will be done" while refusing to do God's will, they are hypocrites. If such people do not repent, their sins will cut them off from God.

This issue of marriage and divorce is a MOST SERIOUS MATTER. In the Church of God today there are many who actually feel justified in living in this sin, and then they wonder why there is no healing and their prayers are not answered. This EVIL is a great SHAME in the household of saints and should not be tolerated.

ALLEGORY

The correct relationship of husband and wife is an allegory of the relationship between Christ and the body of believers 1 Cor 11:3. As Christ loved and gave Himself for His people, so should we love our wives. Is He quick to anger? full of resentment? an overbearing tyrant? of course not and neither should we be toward our wives. We should love and cherish them like our own bodies Eph 5:28. Husbands, the emphasis should not be on authority but on LEADERSHIP. Authority has been given to HELP the husband do his job, it was NOT given, so that he could power trip. LEADERSHIP involves SETTING AN  EXAMPLE, ENCOURAGEMENT, GUIDANCE, INSTRUCTION, SUPPORT, COOPERATION and again EXAMPLE< EXAMPLE< EXAMPLE! While wives should love their husbands in a similar manner, seeking to please them and not themselves only. Even so, ALL BELIEVERS, should behave toward Christ as a loving wife would, not being rebellious or committing adultery with other gods and not committing emotional adultery by valuing the words of some men more than the words of God.